Clagg

It is a wonderful day to tell a story. I’m sure you haven’t heard about my life. You might not believe what you read the first time around but let me go ahead and start from the beginning. It all started with my gruesome pimple.  That thing was a honker. It took up half of my face! Everybody would gawk at it as I walked past. I had never been so embarrassed in my life. My pimple hurt to the extreme, like somebody was constantly squeezing it. One day, I had had enough. I was sick of peoples’ eyes being glued to my face. I was out grocery shopping and decided to go to the bathroom and pop that sucker. I was in the bathroom for hours! After all the vigorous squeezing, I heard it pop. It sounded exactly like a whistle. At about that time, all the nastiness farted out of the crater on my face and shattered the mirror into two million pieces. I counted! I casually made my way out of the grocery store with no groceries. I was swollen with pride to have that pimple off and have my face back. Just as I was walking out, I saw the most gorgeous guy I had ever seen. It was love at first sight. In order to get to him I had to climb over three cars and assist two elderly ladies to their own cars. When I got to him he was truly shy and didn’t want to talk. So….I hugged him so tight that he finally whispered something to me: “Excuse me! You’re arms are wrapped around me.” I quickly mentioned I was aware of it and I met no harm but I would love to get together with him sometime. We exchanged AIM screen names and went out merrily way. Driving home, I belched every song on the radio. What a marvelous day! I got rid of my pimple and met the love of my life. Just as I thought it couldn’t get any better it got worse. Almost home, the car shook violently. It was an earthquake! I didn’t know what to do so I pulled over. I glanced around to see if anybody felt what I had. There had been people in front of and behind me but nobody else pulled over. Something in the road caught my attention and I turned to get a better look. There was a dog lying helplessly in the dark. It wasn’t an earthquake I felt, it was the dog I ran over! I couldn’t do anything but cry. I cried so much I filled up a sink with tears. I figured my new found love would make me feel better but he just laughed until he peed in his pants. I’ve had a few eventful times in my life. I love to tell my stories because you learn so much. Pass my story on because all I say is true. It may seem unbelievable but there is truth behind my words.

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